There is a contest in the forums for eve parody poems.  This is my try, done late at night so it is what it is


Based off of Kipling’s poem of the same name


If you can FC when all about you

whine about the blobbing  and the Tidi

If you can trust your logis when they lock you

But know your fit is a solid try

If you can camp and not be tired of the bash

Or be scammed but not try the same

Or be trash talked but not talk trash

And yet don’t look too bling, nor try for fame


If you can fit, but not make fits your master

If you can pvp- and not make death your aim

If you can be podded or pod the other faster

And treat both of the events just the same

If you can read Eve-O GD forum posts

Words twisted by bitter vets made of straw

Or if you can watch the awox of your corp to ghosts

Start over recruiting some newbs full of awe


If you can put all your assets in one Carrier

And risk them in an unscouted move ‘cross null

Be popped and start over in an Impairor

And never rage quit or on the loss mull

If you can awaken to check a comm ping

Long after the coffee (or booze) is gone

Bleary eyed stare are the monitors screen

Because the FC said we all need to stay on


If you can run for CSM and keep your virtue

Talk with the devs but not forget the game

If neither Goons nor miners will try to hurt you

If all votes mention you but none apply blame

If you can fill every moment you play it

With flights of imagination and of fun

You know what you have and you say it

And- which is more- you’re a pilot, my son!


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7 Responses to If

  1. Michael Caine reading of the original: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drBIhnATwuc
    Original text for people as illiterate as me: http://www.kipling.org.uk/poems_if.htm

    Shouldn’t the last line be: And- which is more- you’ll be a pilot, my son! or did you change the wording on purpose to retain the number of syllables?

    If you don’t win at least 100m then he obviously skipped you to prevent accusations of favouritism towards the CSM.

    • mikeazariah says:

      to be honest, I was losing it by the time I got to the end of the poem but I wanted to get it done and out while the fires still burned within me. It totally could stand a polishing pass.


  2. Damn! That was going to be my choice of poem. I think you’ve done a lot better than my half formed pitiful effort though so I’m going to have another think. Great job!

  3. Lightstar says:

    If you can write poetry
    Then you’re clearly better at it than me

    Annnnnd *faceplant*

  4. Pingback: Running for CSM? | Pilgrim in Exile

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