Sometimes, Mike thought, you have to be willing to shake it up a little.  Friends of his had been flying in a little T1 frigate contest/tournament.  Once the tourney was over they took the ships out into lowsec to see what they could find.

They had managed to rack up a few kills wandering here and there (and lost a few ships as well) and were in a reship and gather stage when they saw Mike on comms.  33 jumps and a small reshipping and Mike was in a Merlin and heading through Tama.

“Want me to scout for you?” He was asked by Araziah (no relation)

“Already through it, so no point.”  Mike grinned as he joined them and they headed in deeper.  They would shotgun belts in systems they went, scattering to cover them all and then rejoin to get any battleships they found.  Mike could imagine the frustration of the Serpentis units as their big ships were swarmed and dropped in short order.

Deeper they found an incursion.  The Sansha on the gates encouraged them not to linger but they did pause to take down a propaganda site.  He was fairly sure that 6 frigates diluted the reward Concord was willing to give but they laughed and moved on.  Most of the systems were empty but when they got to Hevrice the more experienced members of the roam knew that they were in Tusker Territory.

“Shotgun pattern, they will come out to find us.”  Bleys called out.

Araziah got the first nibble with as an obvious bait brutix met him on a belt.  “He’s locking, he is firing.  The rest set to join him as he described the speed with which he was being taken apart and the arrival of a slicer.  “Told you, it would be heavier than us.”

Nobody answered as they willed their ships to go faster.  It was a roam . . .if you wanted to KEEP the ships then you shouldn’t have come.  By the time Mike arrived there was a full band of Tuskers with two drakes, a cyclone, slicer, brutix, and a rifter.  The battle was swift, bloody and (as expected) fairly one sided.  Mike was laughing as his shields melted and he tried tro warp out but his pod was caught firm.

“Want to save your pod?” asked a a pilot called Etuura Zellis.

Mike drawled a casual “Depends”

“50 million isk”  The Tusker demanded.

Mike laughed and said nothing.

“You have a better offer?”

Another of the Tuskers (Naoru Kozan) piped in with “Or tell us a funny joke and we let you go”

Mike considered this, watching as several ships circled his little pod.  ” I have no implants . . . I will give you a haiku.  Or, you can waste ammo, I don’t care.”

“Haiku!” called a third Tusker by the name of Aznwithbeard

W0lf Crendraven muttered ominously “Drones dont need ammo.”

The inital ransommer nodded and decided. “Haiku it is.” The other Tuskers agreed.

“Is there a subject you would like?”

“Alcohol!”  One of them called out.

Mike composed his thoughts (harder than you think when in a defenceless pod surrounded by Tuskers.

“The Tequila speaks to me
Go for it you fool
Sadly, some sober tuskers”

(yes I know, see comment below)

Mike grinned and looked out, the moment stretched as he wondered if the answer would not be words but destruction.

The applause and the notice that he was free to go was a balm and a relief.  He thanked his captors for both the release and the battle.  “T1 frig roam is fun!”

“It’s the way to roll.” answered Etuura.

As Mike did the five jumps back to hisec he reflected that the Tusker was right.  It is the way to roll. There was a message waiting when he docked.

“Mr. Azariah.  In celebration you are hereby authorized to release this ship as a prize to honor Gallente pride and accomplishments.”  Mike whistled as he looked at the transfer.



Re:Haiku  Yes I know, I got the syllable count backwards . . .it should have been 5-7-5 not 7-5-7, To the Tuskers I apologize for my mistake.

Prizes: Bob gets the Slicer, Darth Skorpius gets the Firetail.  Contracts will be sent later today

The big one . . .

Navy Megathron

Gallente Battleship pride

Comment to win it

Next post is my 200th.  So I am giving away a decent ship in celebration,  If you don’t want it I will offer to give you one quarter of a Billion isk, instead, your choice.

I did have fun roaming and no we did not expect to win any of the fights.  But the t1’s did manage to pull down quite a few ships before I joined up and ruined their winning streak.  I’d appreciate a total for the roam from one who was there the whole time.

Lowsec is surpisingly empty.


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76 Responses to Haiku

  1. Keilidh says:

    Hah! Haiku ransom, I love it!

    I find it vaguely ironic that you posted this while I was out in a rather unsuccessful Frigate roam (lost my Crusader to a very well executed counter-bait).

    As for the Navy Mega… Oh BABY! Did I mention I was training Aesyra for T2 Mega fits?

  2. Navy Mega!?! Always wanted one and with hybrid buff coming…

    • mikeazariah says:

      The upcoming hybrid buff was one of the reasons I went with the mega for this prize . . . there is a modicum of thought involved, here


  3. Marcus Janus says:

    ok the haiku was cute, even with the count being off, Grats and getting to 200! and a navy mega is an awesome prize, I hope everyone realizes just how cool you are for putting something like that up!

    • mikeazariah says:

      If you are a mission runner (or incursion) those little lp’s start to stack up. But yeah, getting to 200 feels like an accomplishment to me


  4. Gabriel's Henchman says:

    I’ve seen Tuskers talk about the Haiku ransom… you lucky it wasn’t another pirate corp… more than a few would have simply podded you without a moment’s hesitation… if I ever go back to null, and meet you there without blue standings, I’d have to pod you… nothing personal, but in low… I don’t pod unless there’s a damn good reason, don’t rasom either… frigate roams are ALWAYS fun.

    • mikeazariah says:

      One of the advantages of being an information officer for a corp is remembering who will accept what. If it had been another pirate corp, yeah, I wouldn’t have expected that to work.


  5. szilardis says:

    Haha, that haiku is great. The Tuskers are possibly the best lowsec pirates I know of. May need to make a field trip out there.

    • mikeazariah says:

      Tuskers, Bastards, Hellcats . . . yeah there are a few names that stand out for me too.


      • Bleys says:

        I have always liked the Tuskers. Lost some of my first ships to them and Bastards when I was learning the game years ago. I remember Don Pellgrino murdering whole fleets solo, on some of our roams.

  6. Ty Delaney says:

    Navy Megathron.
    Too much ship for my needs, but
    Soooo very pretty.

  7. Bleys says:

    Actually there was not a tourney involved. It was just frigate roams all day long. Total on the kills of note on the T1 roam were a Federation Navy Comet, Taranis, Hawk, and Enyo. There were a few other kills, like a Navitas mining in lowsec, but not really noteable. Over all it was a lot more then the ships we lost were worth. Tons of fun.

    After Mike’s ransom, the fleet decided they wanted to ship up and go back to fight Tuskers. They pointed out that it was Saturday, so Frigate Friday was already over. So we got together a BC fleet of Myrms, Hurricanes, one Jaguar, and an Oneiros and headed back to Hevrice. I knew we would all die in a fire, so I let Araziah (no relation) lead the fleet.

    Eventually Tuskers engaged one of our Huricanes with two Drakes and a Curse. BC’s warped in on top, and Onieros at range. Jaguar tackled a Drake. We got a kill on a Suleiman Shouaa’ Curse (Blogger from “Flee on Sight”), and took down Naoru Kozan’s Drake. I was sure more pain was coming from the Tuskers so we called a retreat to safespots, and GF’ed in local.

    Suleiman Shouaa said something like “Its not over yet.” and “Why run away :(” in local, so we put it to a quick vote and went back to reengage. This time it was Huricanes with a Loki appearing to fleet boost from off grid. Was a prolongued fight with plenty of warp outs and warp ins and general chaos. We lost several BC, the Onieros, and the Jaguar. Only one or two of us made it out in ships. Good times were had by all, and as usual the Tuskers gave us a good thrashing.

    I would recommend Hevrice to anyone looking for a good time.

  8. Aznwithbeard says:

    Yes ill take the navy mega. Ive been meaning to kill everything in my path gloriously.

    • mikeazariah says:

      IF you win it I would willingly fly escort on a mega roam just to see you pave the way across the stars (5.0 standing be damned)


  9. Aznwithbeard says:

    Ahh, I figured I’d give u the actual chatlog too –

    Channel MOTD: Hello, one or more members of The Tuskers are prepared to destroy your vessel. Should you wish to pay a ransom to save your ship, please do the following immediately:1. Turn off all modules (including guns, missile launchers, webbers, scrams, etc.) and recall all drones. Stop your ship.2. From the time a ransom amount appears below, you will have 30 seconds to pay the amount specified. Right-click the picture of the pirate stating our demands and select “give money” to do this.If you do not comply immediately, we will re-open fire on your vessel. If we get nervous for any reason we will re-open fire on your vessel.
    Tuskers Ransom Board

    [ 2011.10.15 07:33:57 ] Etuura Zellis > o/
    [ 2011.10.15 07:34:00 ] Mike Azariah > heyas
    [ 2011.10.15 07:34:08 ] Etuura Zellis > want to save the pod?
    [ 2011.10.15 07:34:18 ] Mike Azariah > depends
    [ 2011.10.15 07:34:41 ] Etuura Zellis > 50 million isk
    [ 2011.10.15 07:34:49 ] Mike Azariah > /emote laughs
    [ 2011.10.15 07:34:58 ] Etuura Zellis > u got a better offer?
    [ 2011.10.15 07:35:04 ] Naoru Kozan > or tell us a funny joke and we let you go
    [ 2011.10.15 07:35:10 ] Mike Azariah > I have no implants . . . I will give you a haiku
    [ 2011.10.15 07:35:17 ] Mike Azariah > or you can waste ammo
    [ 2011.10.15 07:35:21 ] Mike Azariah > I don’t care
    [ 2011.10.15 07:35:25 ] Aznwithbeard > HAIKU!
    [ 2011.10.15 07:35:29 ] W0lf Crendraven > drones dont need ammo^^
    [ 2011.10.15 07:35:33 ] Etuura Zellis > haiku it is
    [ 2011.10.15 07:35:34 ] Mike Azariah > true
    [ 2011.10.15 07:35:41 ] Naoru Kozan > haiku
    [ 2011.10.15 07:35:50 ] Mike Azariah > subject you would like?
    [ 2011.10.15 07:35:57 ] Aznwithbeard > alcohol
    [ 2011.10.15 07:36:00 ] Mike Azariah > or open mike (so to speak)
    [ 2011.10.15 07:36:16 ] Mike Azariah > ok, here goes
    [ 2011.10.15 07:36:41 ] Mike Azariah > The Tequila speaks to me
    [ 2011.10.15 07:36:51 ] Mike Azariah > Go for it you fool
    [ 2011.10.15 07:37:11 ] Mike Azariah > Sadly, some sober tuskers
    [ 2011.10.15 07:37:22 ] Mike Azariah > /emote grins
    [ 2011.10.15 07:37:25 ] Mike Azariah > well?
    [ 2011.10.15 07:37:32 ] Naoru Kozan > sounds fine to me
    [ 2011.10.15 07:37:37 ] Etuura Zellis > /emote applauds
    [ 2011.10.15 07:37:55 ] Etuura Zellis > your free to go
    [ 2011.10.15 07:38:12 ] Mike Azariah > before I do
    [ 2011.10.15 07:38:22 ] Mike Azariah > May I have permission to mention you guys in my blog?
    [ 2011.10.15 07:38:31 ] W0lf Crendraven > sure
    [ 2011.10.15 07:38:33 ] Etuura Zellis > sure
    [ 2011.10.15 07:38:37 ] Naoru Kozan > most of the tuskers have blogs lol
    [ 2011.10.15 07:38:38 ] Mike Azariah > ty
    [ 2011.10.15 07:38:43 ] Mike Azariah > I know
    [ 2011.10.15 07:39:00 ] Mike Azariah > oh and if you think of it, comment in mine, a navy mega is up for grabs
    [ 2011.10.15 07:39:04 ] Mike Azariah > next post
    [ 2011.10.15 07:39:10 ] Aznwithbeard > idk what urs is
    [ 2011.10.15 07:39:12 ] Aznwithbeard > gimme link
    [ 2011.10.15 07:39:17 ] Mike Azariah > see bio
    [ 2011.10.15 07:39:20 ] W0lf Crendraven > in his bio
    [ 2011.10.15 07:39:29 ] Mike Azariah > sty gentelmen
    [ 2011.10.15 07:39:33 ] Mike Azariah > thank you
    [ 2011.10.15 07:39:41 ] Mike Azariah > t1 frig roam is fun
    [ 2011.10.15 07:41:24 ] Etuura Zellis > its the way to roll
    [ 2011.10.15 07:41:29 ] Etuura Zellis > o/
    [ 2011.10.15 07:41:32 ] Etuura Zellis > gf again
    [ 2011.10.15 07:41:43 ] EVE System > Mike Azariah was kicked from the channel by Etuura Zellis. Effective until 2011.10.15 08:11:40, Reason: “paid”.

    • mikeazariah says:

      /me laughs, you know, I never noticed the motd. but then I was already in the pod.

      I used this yto make the post, other than spelling and caps I think I did an ok job of capturing the relevant parts of the conversation.


  10. Lightstar says:

    I’ve got a haiku about the nav thron. =oD

    Pride of gallente
    is a giant tuning fork
    strangely i can fly.

    it’s assuming gall-en-te is a three sylable, instead of the 2 syllable form i heared {gall-ent}

  11. Soliloquy says:

    Lowsec is surpisingly empty.

    that is because the server is empty, login figures have become very poor…

    • mikeazariah says:

      Yes, I do look at the numbers as I log on and wistfully recall them being double that or more, once upon a time.


  12. Min says:

    Love your willingness to lose and/or give away stuff. I can’t fly the mega or any battleships, but I love the look of it. Good to hear about your adventures. Sadly I get more time to read blogs than actually play eve 😦 if only you could play eve on the iPhone!!

    • mikeazariah says:

      I actually managed to get it running on my tablet (asus transformer) via a cloud connection to my desktop.

      scary world we live in


      • Bleys says:

        Mike is in training to become a market Tycoon. In order to reach the level of Zen necessary, he must lose ships somehow.

  13. W0lf Crendraven says:

    Bump for megathron, and gf though i wasnt really bait ( i was the Brutix) , i just found you first.

    • mikeazariah says:

      Noted, though I won’t go back and change it because bait was what you were called on our comms. So I am presenting that from our roams viewpoint.

      and you are entered for the mega

  14. bobfenner says:

    Navy Mega! Count me in on that one please Mike. I love the idea of poetry instead of isk as a ransom too. And I cant wait to read your 200th blog. I assume its going to be special edition blog? 🙂

    • mikeazariah says:

      Working on it, Kry is anxious because it will have mention of Chribba in it.


      • Kry says:

        sadly i can’t comment too well on this one. I can say something like “haiku tanking! FTW!” but lol — there is little content there. And i’d honestly rather your ships go to someone else… i’ll only end up re-gifting it to a corp-member.

  15. sakjit spey says:

    Sound like great fun all….I wish there was a resource to find T1 frig roams, or perhaps a way to organize on the fly? Maybe a dedicated comm channel exists? If not, I would be willing to help set-up. Thoughts?

    • mikeazariah says:

      The issue is trust, think about it, would you willingly follow strangers into lowsec? If your answer is ‘yes’ look up the term ‘judas goat’


      • Serpentine Logic says:

        Red vs Blue has constant frigate fights. vov

      • Lightstar says:

        Unless you’re the ambusher feeding data to a strike team.

        Unless they know that and have a counter strike team.

        Unless you know that they know but they don’t know that you know that they know, and you have a counter-counter strike team.

        Unless… Ah who an I kidding. Just go with it and aim to misbehave, they’re only frigates.

      • mikeazariah says:

        Exactly. I am jealous of those who have set themselves a goal of flying and losing a huge set of frigs. 100, for at least one podcaster


  16. Brett MacDonald says:

    I’ve always wanted to do some pvp but as a new player I feel my skills and capital just isn’t enough to sustain it yet. The more I read the more I hear about the Tuskers and the friendly attitude they bring to pvp. It’s nice to know there are others out there that actually just want to pvp and not to grief people.

    Looking forward to post 200…that’s quite a milestone.

    • mikeazariah says:

      OK, two things. 1) Agony Unleashed http://www.agony-unleashed.com/wiki/index.php/PVP-Basic_Preparation_Checklist tell me you don’t have those basic skills . . . if so, figure out how long it takes to train them. I only wish I had the time to get into one of their courses myself

      2) For all the talk of Eve being an evil and despicable place . . . there are nice folks all over the place. The dipshits just get more press. If I ripped of players for a billion I might get mention in gaming news. I have given away about 1.5 Billion. . . .


      • Bleys says:

        Come over to the channel The Eve Blues sometime. We most folks there are friendly, and we try and keep Mike in line. As for a corporation, I would strongly advise Red Federation or Blue Republic.

  17. Omen Astrum says:

    Hull tanked navy mega = best bait

  18. Zievarrenna says:

    The megathron is like a huge rifter, I’d agree. ‘cept it’s Gallente, which is weird. Odd that two different race’s corporations would come to the same aesthetic design for a ship.

    Also, ransom for a haiku? Awesome. I’ve also heard a group that asks simply for a joke, too.

    • mikeazariah says:

      Knowing the space you are flying in is a must/ Not just who and how many ships killed but the habits and patterns of the inhabitants. You obviously read one blog but there are so many others and the Tuskers are VERY well represented in the blogging community


    • Bleys says:

      I always felt that the megathron was modeled to be a minmatar ship, then accidentally textured into a gallente one. In short, lack of internal communications in CCP.

  19. thanks for the firetail! correct me if im wrong, but winning a prize disqualifies me from winning another one for a while doesnt?
    oh well, not bothered, just happy to win something. thanks again!

    Darth Skorpius

  20. Bleys says:

    Also, 7-5-7 will now be called a Maiku.

  21. Marv Velt says:

    I love how this ties into my post from the other day, about the heroes, villains and fools concept.

    Here we have them all and they do trade places. Especially those tuskers who value a haiku above a 50 million ISK ransom. Are they villains, are they fools? I guess they are heroes, showing the community in EVE on its best!

    (I do wonder however what they would have done should they have figured that the Haiku was actually a Maiku!)

  22. mikeazariah says:

    Not to mention the foolishness of going on a roam in T1 frigates . . . .but if and when we got kills the heroics was all the better.


    Oh and link your post here, you fool

  23. Lolmer says:

    For Gallente pride
    A return of hybrids key
    Winter is coming!

    I do enjoy your in character write-up followed by an out-of-character summary as the latter helps clarify. 😉

    • mikeazariah says:

      Yeah, Seimic Stan said reading my stuff is like a puzzle, trying to guess what I am trying to say before you get to the end.

      I think that is a compliment . . .


  24. Max Ursa says:

    Tuskers are not the only ones to pirate in that style, us bastards are much the same. http://Www.the-bastards.com recruitment is open, drop me a mail if you’d like to join us for a roam. Honour is good for business, uphold your ransoms and more people are likely to pay.

  25. Kieran Tremzark says:

    a haiku ransom! genius! iv been on the recieving end of being asked to sing ‘im a little teapot’ in local for the release of my ship…..but as a minmatar pilot, there is only one ditty i would sing in local ‘If your happy and you know it pod amarr……’

    sadly when i sang this ditty in local instead of im a little teapot….i failed to notice that i was surrounded by amarr pilots……not my brightest moment, i blame the alcohol……

  26. Kieran Tremzark says:

    and grats on the 200th post btw mike!!! maybe we should pester the GBA to fund you a Thanatos to go down harder than mittens on a friday night in a gaybar….bring me the head of kirith kodachi style but Gallente Ofc. keep up the good work

    • satyrwood says:

      I’d be there to defend the loon. But this time I’m not doing the scorpion thing. Being alpha’d sucks.

    • mikeazariah says:

      If I was flying the thannie it would not get out of the dock, I have some training to do before caps come into play

      But if some bitter vet is tired of his ship and wants to donate to the cause . . . let me know and we will find a way to make it happen


  27. Araziah says:

    For some reason I’ve had this stored in a note in game for months now. I think maybe I heard someone talking about haiku ransoms and though I’d just be prepared. Whatever it was, I remember looking out the window for inspiration:

    Snow, white from the sky.
    Falling around my dwelling.
    You make me happy.

    Glad we could at least get a bit of action while you were with us, Mike. At least we got our ships blown up. That’s what really matters, right?

  28. mikeazariah says:

    It was, that and the fun of flying together and putting voices to the names from the channels..


  29. Riyusone Haro says:

    Kinda makes me wonder what kinds of ransoms I’ve been missing out on.

  30. Endy says:

    I was impressed with the Tuskers. A good time was had by all. Hope to meet them again, friend or foe, in the future.

  31. Grog Drinker says:

    Tusker checking in. I could use about 1/4 billion isk since i’m a poor pirate.

    My favorite ransoms are always the jokes and poems. We often capture pods only to have their pilots fling insults at as when we ask for a ransom but if a pilot keeps a cool head and uses a little humor you can often make it out in your pod for a very small fee or joke. Just be wary of new Tuskers that are trying to get -10 sec status.

    • mikeazariah says:

      Then I wish you the best of luck. As you see above you are Not a poor Pilate in the eyes of some of your victims


  32. mikeazariah says:

    It is not always about the is


  33. Marnora says:

    Interesting encounter.
    Maybe I should go with you next time 🙂

    • mikeazariah says:

      maybe so, you would be welcome anytime. Just (as is the rule) fly something you are willling to lose.


      • Marnora says:

        You know me 🙂 My selections are not that expensive to replace, except some (which I have polished and detailed every few days) 🙂

  34. Good stuff as always Mike. I like your idea about Slaves (from previous posts) and changing laws…

  35. Naoru Kozan says:

    That second fight was fun. Loved the haiku ransom as well.

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